Forever Love..

"MOM!!" my daughter screamed. She was waiting for her lunch box and I was scurrying up and down to get that done.It was one of the usual days, when I get up at 5am , do my regular workout, wake up my daughters , prepare their lunchboxes, see them off, then get ready to go to office . My husband Vivek works from home as he wanted to concentrate and give more time to his latest venture into the photography business. "Mom!Bye I am leaving..Check out your whatsapp, Arjun uncle has messaged."I paused...Arjun.

Arjun was no relative of mine. If you could believe me , then he was my lover at one point of my lifetime and we were inseparable.Wait!Can lovers be friends now?And Vivek..

I closed my eyes and my mind traveled to the first day of high school. To be exact when I was in grade 8. I was a tomboy. LOL! I was a loud mouth, hanged around indifferently with guys and girls, wore the same pair of jeans for weeks, bullied juniors, tackled seniors, did all what not the perfect bimbos, with pretty hair and legs in my  school would never even dream of doing. It was the English period and I was done listening to Mrs Padma, rattling away tales of Robinson Crusoe.Then the door opened and in walked our Principal, Mr Sheshadari along with a tall, yanky, athletic guy with a very sour face..Arjun.

Arjun, though handsome and built (on whom initially all the pretty bimbos were drooling on) didn't attract many friends. He frowned often, preferred to remain alone and aloof ,a man of hardly any words!. He studied hard and managed to get good grades.He regularly trained at the school sports club. Of course! He ignored me when I approached him.Well!!I had a habit of talking and being friendly with everyone in my class and Arjun's nonchalance was really twitching my nerves. I was hell bent on talking to him. So I tried ..hard..at the school canteen, gym class, science lab.Nope!Nothing worked..so I was like ..what the hell!and I left it.

I inquired about Arjun's past.He was from a well to do family, in fact more than mine. His dad was a prominent businessman. Then what baggage was he carrying?Hmm..My curiosity increased.Once, I got out early from gym class  and while changing at the locker room, I noticed Arjun's bag lying on the bench. I looked around..no one!I quickly grabbed the bag and opened it.I noticed a few bottles of antidepressants and some other unknown medicines.Suddenly I was grabbed by my neck and pushed against one of the lockers.Arjun had locked me in his very strong arms and I was scared to death.He was strangling my neck hard and my eyes met his bloodshot eyes.He screamed "I specifically asked you not to mess with me." And then he released me..grabbed his bag and me..I passed out..

I took time off from school and was at bed rest. I had sores and bruises around my neck and my shoulder muscles were hurting. I was fighting the pain not caused by my physical wounds, but my mental ones.No guy had ever touched me, rather I didn't let them. Tomboy and all..but I never crossed over my moral values imbibed by my parents. I was fuming and seeking a way to straighten out Arjun when my mom knocked the room and called out that I had a visitor.Thinking it was Sasha, my friend, I asked my mom to send her to the room.The door opened and in came..Arjun. My arms caught hold a club that I had placed near my bed and held it tightly.He smiled and calmly took the club out of my hands and gently pushed me to the wall of the bed , against a pillow for support. Fuming tears were pouring out and I was helplessly staring at him."I am sorry Nisha.." he said. I looked away , disgusted, confused as to what to tell him.I wanted to scream..but my sore neck wasn't allowing to."I am a patient. I am undergoing treatment for depression and my frequent bouts of anger.That's why I avoid everyone,especially you. You are special and I don't know why. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Dr said I could get better by indulging myself in games and studies."with that he got up and left. I looked at him go. I was too shocked and  remained silent.I was special? hmm.. My eyes caught a small glint of light from an object on the bed. It was a small bronze coin,of Sri Krishna . He had left it.Why??

"Krishna and Radha, the eternal lovers. One day you would also find one." my grandmother used to say, whenever she used to tell me Krishna tales as my bedtime stories!I used to phoo phoo her and go off to sleep.I remembered that now and today I couldn't go to sleep..Why??

I got well in two weeks and I returned back to school. I hadn't heard from him after that incident.I wanted to talk to him, badly and I caught him at the library. Perfect!I walked upto him, and said "I won't accept your apology and this gift unless we become friends." ."Silence please!" screamed the librarian."Meet me after gym. " I said and rushed out the library.By the way, this was the first time I had set foot in the library!!Thanks to Arjun!
Arjun and me became friends, thick friends. I saw all his sides, both the light and dark shades. We hanged out together everywhere, for studies, games, music classes, gym you name it.He had his occasional bouts of depression and anger which by now I could handle. With time he was using less medicines.We both were acquainted with our parents.My school mates termed our pair as lovers but what we shared was special, a pure form of friendship. We shared every moment we had in our life.We went to the same college and passed out, him with flying colors and me scrapping through.Next..marriage.
My parents were busy on the lookout for a suitable Nair boy for me . I was fine but Arjun was not.He was getting moody whenever I told the tales of how many guys came in to see me."Why is everything a joke for you?" he asked. I stopped laughing and said "Listen!my parents have always done whats best for me.I trust them on this too. Also when time comes, I would definitely get my life partner.You too." "I have already got!" he murmured. I heard that and chose to ignore.Of late, I knew there was some change in Arjun's attitude towards me.I knew he was in love  and wanted to marry me.And I did too.But I never chose to tell him. I didn't want to lose what we had. Romance changed the angle totally and I wanted a friend who could handle my deepest , darkest secrets without  any qualms. Moreover..I wasn't a romantic and I never wanted to be any less than best to my Arjun. Also, a love marriage wasn't a thing my parents would ever support, even though they knew Arjun(castes, society..played a huge importance that time) and I didn't want to bring any change to that.I loved my parents, and I loved Arjun. And Arjun never even once asked me yet. I had made my decision long back..the day he gave me the coin.He knew? What if he had proposed, would I say no?I don't know..Then Vivek came to my life...

Vivek was the chosen suitor for me and he was an uncomplicated, funny man. He soon became the darling of my family and brought a smile to even the oldest and youngest members.I liked him and found him very compatible . He accepted Arjun as my best friend, and with time they became good friends too. Vivek and I got married and together we had Isha and Avni ,my two beautiful daughters. Arjun became their uncle and he frequented our place to be with the girls.He loved my girls and he was wonderful to them. He was still my best friend and I shared everything with him. He hasn't married till today..

I took my mobile and I saw his message."Happy Birthday Nisha!" I smiled . As usual he always greeted me first and Vivek last!!Did it bother me? never!


I opened my drawer and picked up that coin.That coin was the witness when I first fell in love.Deep down, he still was the Krishna for me, my first and last love..and me??Well you know..


Painting by my sister and best friend..Bijna Rashik...

A Soulful Sin....

'Do you remember that spot where we used to keep away our stash of all our secret precious things?' my friend asked me.I held her hand tight and smiled.

There I was , looking at my dearest friend Tina, since childhood.While at Sherwood, we were neighbours, friends, schoolmates till I left for boarding after my 10th grade. She chose to stay at the same place, graduated in science stream , got married and had two beautiful children.I left the town to pursue my dream, completed my engineering, became a software developer, got married and settled as a metropolitan.

After my parents left Sherwood, I never did go back there.During the initial years after I left the town, I used to write letters(emails weren't fully prominent then) to Tina , who used to reply animatedly telling about everything happening back then at Sherwood. Further down ..we progressed to emails , but Tina couldn't mail me much as her accessibility to internet was much less.Understandable.. but that gap stayed and the frequency of mails from me decreased over time.I was enjoying a new life, new friends , better style, status while poor Tina regularly mailed me, updating with news from her side. I got caught in the whirlwind life at the city and maybe used to reply her when I felt to.

18 long years passed and one day while sitting idle at the office , I browsed through my personal emails and noticed an email from Tina.It was after a long time. I smiled and opened it.My smile vanished..

Tina was suffering from fourth stage cancer which had spread across her body from her recent bout of breast cancer.She wanted to see me before her feared death.I was numbed and a splurge of guilt flashed all across my face.I had ignored her, all these years..I didn't make any effort to stay in touch with her and I had a folder full of unopened emails from her..I opened the attachment she sent.Her latest photograph with her kids.Gosh..they looked grown up , Matt and Jenna and of course Peter, her husband. She looked shriveled, her hair all gone, the smile still the same..the big earnest one..the one I used to receive when I was 5 and my day started.I shut down my system and made a few calls.Next day I flew down and was by her side.

Sherwood, was a beautiful town.Its skies had the most beautiful colour and brightness and the flora and fauna made it heaven.Be it summer or winter, spring or autumn, it had a rare beauty which I had missed all these years.Now, as I looked around , Sherwood was like any other US city. Neatly made roads, pavements, cottages.Gone were those rickety fenced houses, the unevenly spread woods, the sprawling large , empty lands where we used to camp, cycle, play all our pretend games on.

Tina had a quiet funeral. I stood at the corner, looking at each and everyone paying her their last respects.Many were familiar faces, from my school days. Her family which included her husband, children , her mother Ellie, her sister Mary and few uncles. I looked at her children. Jenna was a splitting image of young Tina and I was having a tough time facing her. I walked out, for some air and into the woods.I was surprised how small the woods had become.I remember we used to be scared of getting lost whenever we used to venture into the woods.I found Mark, Tina's brother and together we walked silently.

Suddenly, Mark took my arm and he said 'Come..you need to see something.' We walked over to a tree, a very old tree sans leaves.It looked old and dying.As I approached it, I could feel a strange sense of feeling coming on to me.My heart beat faster and I looked around.I looked at Mark and he smiled.

Yes ! This was the same , old tree under which Tina and me had stashed away our treasure chest.I bent down and furiously started digging.My handed clinked at a metal and I tugged at it.There came out the chest, still intact. It was handmade by my dad who had made it on my request.I cleared off the dust and took a deep sigh..Mark walked away..I opened it..

There were newspaper clippings, photos..then some clay models which me and Tina had created, few Christmas presents we had given each other..our bad mark cards(LOL!). I picked up the clippings..it was of those in which I had appeared during the International conventions and meetings I had appeared.Then prints of my family which I had mailed her some years back..some facebook pics of me and my husband..pics of her children..their childhood..poems which I had written to her on her birthday.
 Oh Tina!!all this..and I simply didn't know..

I looked up..the breeze whispered sounds into my ears..sounds of her laughter..The branches of the tree under which I was sitting were swaying into a dance..The day was over and the skies had turned a bright orange..into the darkness which I was now being drawn into.I realized what I had lost..leafless..lifeless like this tree..I stared at the chest and tears welled up.I cried out load..my cries drowned in the breeze..I placed the chest back into the same place and covered it up.I covered up the last remains of what I had last of my dearest friend.No ..I didn't want any of them with me..a constant reminder of my terrible soul..I stood and walked a few steps..turned back..There it was..that soulless  tree..like me..holding the memories of the best and worst times of our friendship..I walked away..this time never to turn back..

I am sorry..Tina..Please forgive me..

                                  Painting by my sister and best friend..BIJNA RASHIK..

Marriage..works?

When I go to work,
I meet a jerk..
who is married..
and always worried..

He hates going home..
not that work is his norm.
his wife the show stopper..
a talkative, fat, avid shopper..

he cribs..marriage, it never works..

My phone rings..
a sad story my friend sings..
I dont want to marry she cries..
My life will be all deep fries..

my freedom is gone, she reasons..
busy all seasons..
manage four parents instead of two..
so many things to do..

she cribs..marriage, it never works..

I smile to myself..
these people need help..
I am distracted by another married goose..
ogling at a hot lady with another loose..

Hot Hai yaar!!..he gives a sigh..
wish my wife could die...
I shake my head in despair..
a damage beyond repair..

he cribs..marriage, it never works..

hey gal!!..comes in my pregnant friend..
whose complaints have no end..
of her mother-in-law..her husband or the ever wailing child..
cooking,cleaning nothing too mild..

she cribs..marriage, it never works..

I look at the picture on my desktop..
my hearts skips a beat and a hop..

my life..never under the knife..

because of him..my ever loving man..

marriage..with its ups and downs..

its concepts so twisted because of ignorant clowns..
love and adjustments go on..
its a relationship simply sown..

My phone buzzes again with a ring..
a concerned voice other side coming..
You are late..shall we order something today?
I smile ..he understands , and he knows what I will say..

I say.. marriage for me..it always works.... 

An Aadhar for me..too!

This is a story but a true one.I felt quite amused to have gone through this day so hence I decided to share it here.

It is the time where taking the Aadhar card is the new hype and everyone was trying to get theirs done irrespective of whether they know its important or not or whether they will actually get a card at the end of it all. Like the voters id, ration card , passport and the umpteen number of cards one take to prove that you are the citizen of India, Nandan Neelkani and his team has introduced a new one to the collection , the Aadhar.

So as to what I was saying, due to the discussions from the family side and pressure form colleagues, I finally relented to take one. Having made my mind the next task was to convince my husband to come with me and get it done. Like I had predicted he had his excuses of completing his sprint and submitting his task and all.(Agile has really got up to him).But I remained firm on my ground and somehow we came up with a convenient time to take the Aadhar card.I arranged the required documents(after vigorous on-line search for all the relevant documents that could be taken). D Day arrived and we set out early as we were warned of the huge crowd that we could expect outside the Aadhar camp. Keeping that in mind we reached the venue at 7 and we found we were the first in queue.(Yay!!But precisely there was a dog first).So we three (including the dog) sat on the steps.Breakfast pangs caught me and I sent my husband off to buy some breakfast while I settled down to read the morning paper.While he was away , an old man and his son arrived on a scooter. The old chap then went to the other side and sat down.I realised the place where I settled down was wrong and slowly got up to go the place the old guy was. I saw something written in Kannada and pasted on one of the two windows that were there.I looked at the old guy who was staring hard at me.I saw an application form in his hands.On that it was written that day's date.I looked at him quizzically. He asked whether I had the application form.I nodded my head to a no.He said you have to fill the form.I turned around to the window to which he was pointing to showing the form.It was written application forms stock was over.Fortunately there was this guy standing there and he asked me whether I needed a form.I readily said yes as I didn't want to waste this one trip to get the card.We got the form for 3 times the amount it was originally sold.I went back to the old guy and started filling the form.By this time Shyam my husband had come with food.I filled the form double quickly and grabbed a bite.I came back to the line to see few more people filling the queue.That's when we came to know that all these people had come a month ago to get the token for this date and here we were with not even the form initially.So we were told to stand in a queue in front of the other window and get the token.We were mentally distressed thinking that we would not get the verification get done today and we have to make another trip for this. Shyam was murmuring his frustrations away about his work and I in turn rolling my eyes. Anyway we formed the new queue with the older one getting bigger and bigger along with more chaos and confusion.Half the queue was filled with the family members and neighbours of the old guy I had met earlier.He had reserved the place for them.Great!!They were enjoying some sort of picnic there singing songs , having all yummy food which got all the mouth watering from my side(:P). A lady tried getting into the middle of the bigger queue(the one for verification) and then people got agitated and pushed the lady away. A policeman who was in the queue came and started getting all into a single line.We got our rightful place in front of the old guy since he knew we had come way early.So we stood at the front and waited for the officer. It wasn't of any surprise when the officer came at 10 when the timings were from 9 am to 5 pm.

Finally the officer came and I submitted the forms.He looked at me and said that I didn't have the token.Immediately I changed my attitude to that of a desperate one and begged him to do the verification today for me and my husband since we will go out of the country next week(So easily the lies came out for me).He relented seeing the long line behind me.He verified my documents and sent me inside for rest of the procedures.I ran inside and sat down at one free counter.The lady there was nice and humble and helped me complete the procedure. Shyam was missing all the time and I found out that his address proof was invalid and that he needed an introduction from my side.So somehow finally his was verified and he came to my counter.There was a section where we had to enter the address proof . Since I introduced Shyam , I was made the head of the family !!hehe...A govt approved one..though he complained I always ruled him anyways...

At last..finally..got done and we held the aadhar card receipts in our hands.We met the old guy who was beaming and saying that we were lucky to get it done today without a token.I smiled at him bemused for he behaved and acted exactly like my father in law, ranting and battering and entertaining everyone all day. We thanked the old man and his family for their support and we rushed off to office..

Being a lady has its effects always.I really don't know what made me say the excuses to the officers or how the officer relented unlike the rude ones we get at Govt offices.But.I am still waiting for the card to be delivered... :)

Nirbhaya..a hope for light!!

A night as normal as any day..
not expecting disaster in any way..
Enjoying a movie with a friend..
not knowing her laughter will cease to an end..

Flowing along with the way of life..
never knowing a pain awaits as a stab of a knife..
never knowing 6 forms of the devil lie in wait..
for the kill of a hunger they needed to add to her fate!

the movie ended..she took steps to hell..
the danger I just wished I could tell..
the bus to hell arrived ..
and up she with her friend climbed..

they pounced on her like an animal..
they were all far from being normal..
the maniacs they were ..to kick, torture and brutally rape..
and throwing her away naked ..like the seed of a grape!!

was it her fault?
to become a victim of this thunder and bolt?
well according to an MP it is..
 because she is just not anyone of his..

her vulnerability was used ..
they were thoroughly amused..
uneducated though literate,
cowards showing their prowess , their act so much to hate..

she made up her mind to fight..
holding onto life tight..
an example set not so light..
Raising the bar of self respect to a large height!

Little girls , so new to this world..
being attached and pounced upon, like the spears hurled..
How can you do this to them..
Don't you see a glimpse of your own daughter in that little gem?

wake up India..wake up..
shame is being filled to the brim of the cup..
where men have become animals..women a toy..
females have to suffer from abortion to rape by a boy..

I dream of an India, my land..
where women walk fearless, with people extending a safety hand..
where men and women live in true peace and harmony..
not like the fake evil smiles one finds in a ceremony..

The Rains for me..

The rain at its best,

Giving me the zeal and the zest..

The tune of the rain making a dance,

So fresh, why should I lose a chance..

The drops going plop on my face,

Cooling me off , at a steady pace..

My mind wanders off to my old days,

Where things happened amidst the rain always..

Fun at college, celebrations alive

With the rains, leaving classes and going for the dive..

Cackling like hens, enjoying every bit..

So carefree, never noticing us getting hit or bit!!

But each time in the corner of my eye, I searched for her, my idol

A senior at that time, beautiful and swift, with the thrift of a seagull..

Seeing her in the rains, gives such a feeling of freshness in the air..

We were close, yet so apart, for she was the senior and it wasn’t just fair!

Still I always wanted her to come and talk..

For I was scared and always hid behind a sock..

But life was cool , with her and many a friend,

That I never realised that someday it all might end..

The same rains witnessed it all,

I remember it happening outside the college hall..

Some fight regarding the Arts Day with her best friend..

Earned me a tight slap at the very end..

The whole college was aghast,

The teachers came out fast..

The silence was killing,

And time never ticking..

I was hurt by the act..

My idol never even asked me the fact..

Humiliated in front of all..

Making me look so small..

The rains kept pouring on..

And the crowd had long gone..

But I remained there unmoved and still..

Wanting to jump off the hill..

Should I hate the rain??

No, because one day I get the gain..

Of her apologising for the incident,

10 years later when I met her by accident..

I got back the sister I lost..

And I enjoy the rains at any cost..

This time with her and our family..

Hope time never changes and go to flee…

My Chechi..

When the world starts breaking down for me,

And I have no one to look upon and see..

That’s when a hand comes down on me,

I knew who that was, for there was she..

Her eyes both bright and twinkling..

her lips twitching to smile and sing..

her hair falling of her shoulders..

beautiful and tall ,like on top of some boulders..

standing slim, fit and firm,

she does what she thinks, no matter a term..

her smile makes me strong,

whether no one or someone, to her I belong…

I do anything to make her proud,

Searching frantically for her in the crowd..

Never gives away and says it’s good,

But look into her eyes, her heart is understood!

She’s talented , she learns quick..

Strong and contented, no ill-will and rarely gets sick!

A joke in every line,

And makes it seem everything is fine!

Her beauty is beyond her innocence,
she will never stand any nonsense..
She will demand for justice all the time,
and can be sweet and sour as green lime...

she loves to irritate,
that we will reach up to our patience's gate..
rarely cuddles or gives a hug,
but her eyes shows the place in the heart for me she has dug!

She respects all,
never lets anyone fall..
her laughter sounds of the river flowing,
when happy we can find her face glowing..

Give her a work, she gets it perfect.

Never let anything make her work intersect!

The least of emotions she shows out,

The crazy she makes u, like mary go round the roundabout!

Ultimately she cares ,

And so much she shares..

I love her all the more,

With her around, life never gets any more bore..

So often she smiles, her sadness gives my heart a blister!

Hey do you want to know who she is? She is my elder sister..