Forever Love..

"MOM!!" my daughter screamed. She was waiting for her lunch box and I was scurrying up and down to get that done.It was one of the usual days, when I get up at 5am , do my regular workout, wake up my daughters , prepare their lunchboxes, see them off, then get ready to go to office . My husband Vivek works from home as he wanted to concentrate and give more time to his latest venture into the photography business. "Mom!Bye I am leaving..Check out your whatsapp, Arjun uncle has messaged."I paused...Arjun.

Arjun was no relative of mine. If you could believe me , then he was my lover at one point of my lifetime and we were inseparable.Wait!Can lovers be friends now?And Vivek..

I closed my eyes and my mind traveled to the first day of high school. To be exact when I was in grade 8. I was a tomboy. LOL! I was a loud mouth, hanged around indifferently with guys and girls, wore the same pair of jeans for weeks, bullied juniors, tackled seniors, did all what not the perfect bimbos, with pretty hair and legs in my  school would never even dream of doing. It was the English period and I was done listening to Mrs Padma, rattling away tales of Robinson Crusoe.Then the door opened and in walked our Principal, Mr Sheshadari along with a tall, yanky, athletic guy with a very sour face..Arjun.

Arjun, though handsome and built (on whom initially all the pretty bimbos were drooling on) didn't attract many friends. He frowned often, preferred to remain alone and aloof ,a man of hardly any words!. He studied hard and managed to get good grades.He regularly trained at the school sports club. Of course! He ignored me when I approached him.Well!!I had a habit of talking and being friendly with everyone in my class and Arjun's nonchalance was really twitching my nerves. I was hell bent on talking to him. So I tried ..hard..at the school canteen, gym class, science lab.Nope!Nothing worked..so I was like ..what the hell!and I left it.

I inquired about Arjun's past.He was from a well to do family, in fact more than mine. His dad was a prominent businessman. Then what baggage was he carrying?Hmm..My curiosity increased.Once, I got out early from gym class  and while changing at the locker room, I noticed Arjun's bag lying on the bench. I looked around..no one!I quickly grabbed the bag and opened it.I noticed a few bottles of antidepressants and some other unknown medicines.Suddenly I was grabbed by my neck and pushed against one of the lockers.Arjun had locked me in his very strong arms and I was scared to death.He was strangling my neck hard and my eyes met his bloodshot eyes.He screamed "I specifically asked you not to mess with me." And then he released me..grabbed his bag and me..I passed out..

I took time off from school and was at bed rest. I had sores and bruises around my neck and my shoulder muscles were hurting. I was fighting the pain not caused by my physical wounds, but my mental ones.No guy had ever touched me, rather I didn't let them. Tomboy and all..but I never crossed over my moral values imbibed by my parents. I was fuming and seeking a way to straighten out Arjun when my mom knocked the room and called out that I had a visitor.Thinking it was Sasha, my friend, I asked my mom to send her to the room.The door opened and in came..Arjun. My arms caught hold a club that I had placed near my bed and held it tightly.He smiled and calmly took the club out of my hands and gently pushed me to the wall of the bed , against a pillow for support. Fuming tears were pouring out and I was helplessly staring at him."I am sorry Nisha.." he said. I looked away , disgusted, confused as to what to tell him.I wanted to scream..but my sore neck wasn't allowing to."I am a patient. I am undergoing treatment for depression and my frequent bouts of anger.That's why I avoid everyone,especially you. You are special and I don't know why. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Dr said I could get better by indulging myself in games and studies."with that he got up and left. I looked at him go. I was too shocked and  remained silent.I was special? hmm.. My eyes caught a small glint of light from an object on the bed. It was a small bronze coin,of Sri Krishna . He had left it.Why??

"Krishna and Radha, the eternal lovers. One day you would also find one." my grandmother used to say, whenever she used to tell me Krishna tales as my bedtime stories!I used to phoo phoo her and go off to sleep.I remembered that now and today I couldn't go to sleep..Why??

I got well in two weeks and I returned back to school. I hadn't heard from him after that incident.I wanted to talk to him, badly and I caught him at the library. Perfect!I walked upto him, and said "I won't accept your apology and this gift unless we become friends." ."Silence please!" screamed the librarian."Meet me after gym. " I said and rushed out the library.By the way, this was the first time I had set foot in the library!!Thanks to Arjun!
Arjun and me became friends, thick friends. I saw all his sides, both the light and dark shades. We hanged out together everywhere, for studies, games, music classes, gym you name it.He had his occasional bouts of depression and anger which by now I could handle. With time he was using less medicines.We both were acquainted with our parents.My school mates termed our pair as lovers but what we shared was special, a pure form of friendship. We shared every moment we had in our life.We went to the same college and passed out, him with flying colors and me scrapping through.Next..marriage.
My parents were busy on the lookout for a suitable Nair boy for me . I was fine but Arjun was not.He was getting moody whenever I told the tales of how many guys came in to see me."Why is everything a joke for you?" he asked. I stopped laughing and said "Listen!my parents have always done whats best for me.I trust them on this too. Also when time comes, I would definitely get my life partner.You too." "I have already got!" he murmured. I heard that and chose to ignore.Of late, I knew there was some change in Arjun's attitude towards me.I knew he was in love  and wanted to marry me.And I did too.But I never chose to tell him. I didn't want to lose what we had. Romance changed the angle totally and I wanted a friend who could handle my deepest , darkest secrets without  any qualms. Moreover..I wasn't a romantic and I never wanted to be any less than best to my Arjun. Also, a love marriage wasn't a thing my parents would ever support, even though they knew Arjun(castes, society..played a huge importance that time) and I didn't want to bring any change to that.I loved my parents, and I loved Arjun. And Arjun never even once asked me yet. I had made my decision long back..the day he gave me the coin.He knew? What if he had proposed, would I say no?I don't know..Then Vivek came to my life...

Vivek was the chosen suitor for me and he was an uncomplicated, funny man. He soon became the darling of my family and brought a smile to even the oldest and youngest members.I liked him and found him very compatible . He accepted Arjun as my best friend, and with time they became good friends too. Vivek and I got married and together we had Isha and Avni ,my two beautiful daughters. Arjun became their uncle and he frequented our place to be with the girls.He loved my girls and he was wonderful to them. He was still my best friend and I shared everything with him. He hasn't married till today..

I took my mobile and I saw his message."Happy Birthday Nisha!" I smiled . As usual he always greeted me first and Vivek last!!Did it bother me? never!


I opened my drawer and picked up that coin.That coin was the witness when I first fell in love.Deep down, he still was the Krishna for me, my first and last love..and me??Well you know..


Painting by my sister and best friend..Bijna Rashik...

A Soulful Sin....

'Do you remember that spot where we used to keep away our stash of all our secret precious things?' my friend asked me.I held her hand tight and smiled.

There I was , looking at my dearest friend Tina, since childhood.While at Sherwood, we were neighbours, friends, schoolmates till I left for boarding after my 10th grade. She chose to stay at the same place, graduated in science stream , got married and had two beautiful children.I left the town to pursue my dream, completed my engineering, became a software developer, got married and settled as a metropolitan.

After my parents left Sherwood, I never did go back there.During the initial years after I left the town, I used to write letters(emails weren't fully prominent then) to Tina , who used to reply animatedly telling about everything happening back then at Sherwood. Further down ..we progressed to emails , but Tina couldn't mail me much as her accessibility to internet was much less.Understandable.. but that gap stayed and the frequency of mails from me decreased over time.I was enjoying a new life, new friends , better style, status while poor Tina regularly mailed me, updating with news from her side. I got caught in the whirlwind life at the city and maybe used to reply her when I felt to.

18 long years passed and one day while sitting idle at the office , I browsed through my personal emails and noticed an email from Tina.It was after a long time. I smiled and opened it.My smile vanished..

Tina was suffering from fourth stage cancer which had spread across her body from her recent bout of breast cancer.She wanted to see me before her feared death.I was numbed and a splurge of guilt flashed all across my face.I had ignored her, all these years..I didn't make any effort to stay in touch with her and I had a folder full of unopened emails from her..I opened the attachment she sent.Her latest photograph with her kids.Gosh..they looked grown up , Matt and Jenna and of course Peter, her husband. She looked shriveled, her hair all gone, the smile still the same..the big earnest one..the one I used to receive when I was 5 and my day started.I shut down my system and made a few calls.Next day I flew down and was by her side.

Sherwood, was a beautiful town.Its skies had the most beautiful colour and brightness and the flora and fauna made it heaven.Be it summer or winter, spring or autumn, it had a rare beauty which I had missed all these years.Now, as I looked around , Sherwood was like any other US city. Neatly made roads, pavements, cottages.Gone were those rickety fenced houses, the unevenly spread woods, the sprawling large , empty lands where we used to camp, cycle, play all our pretend games on.

Tina had a quiet funeral. I stood at the corner, looking at each and everyone paying her their last respects.Many were familiar faces, from my school days. Her family which included her husband, children , her mother Ellie, her sister Mary and few uncles. I looked at her children. Jenna was a splitting image of young Tina and I was having a tough time facing her. I walked out, for some air and into the woods.I was surprised how small the woods had become.I remember we used to be scared of getting lost whenever we used to venture into the woods.I found Mark, Tina's brother and together we walked silently.

Suddenly, Mark took my arm and he said 'Come..you need to see something.' We walked over to a tree, a very old tree sans leaves.It looked old and dying.As I approached it, I could feel a strange sense of feeling coming on to me.My heart beat faster and I looked around.I looked at Mark and he smiled.

Yes ! This was the same , old tree under which Tina and me had stashed away our treasure chest.I bent down and furiously started digging.My handed clinked at a metal and I tugged at it.There came out the chest, still intact. It was handmade by my dad who had made it on my request.I cleared off the dust and took a deep sigh..Mark walked away..I opened it..

There were newspaper clippings, photos..then some clay models which me and Tina had created, few Christmas presents we had given each other..our bad mark cards(LOL!). I picked up the clippings..it was of those in which I had appeared during the International conventions and meetings I had appeared.Then prints of my family which I had mailed her some years back..some facebook pics of me and my husband..pics of her children..their childhood..poems which I had written to her on her birthday.
 Oh Tina!!all this..and I simply didn't know..

I looked up..the breeze whispered sounds into my ears..sounds of her laughter..The branches of the tree under which I was sitting were swaying into a dance..The day was over and the skies had turned a bright orange..into the darkness which I was now being drawn into.I realized what I had lost..leafless..lifeless like this tree..I stared at the chest and tears welled up.I cried out load..my cries drowned in the breeze..I placed the chest back into the same place and covered it up.I covered up the last remains of what I had last of my dearest friend.No ..I didn't want any of them with me..a constant reminder of my terrible soul..I stood and walked a few steps..turned back..There it was..that soulless  tree..like me..holding the memories of the best and worst times of our friendship..I walked away..this time never to turn back..

I am sorry..Tina..Please forgive me..

                                  Painting by my sister and best friend..BIJNA RASHIK..